Well here I go jotting down some quick stuff. Today was busy at work and that made it go quick. Wish I had something to look forward to when I got off. Soon I will have a reason to be excited. I think the Sunday after you get home I want to have some friends and your family over and cook a meal and maybe pop a cork to celebrate your return. I am so looking forward to that day, I think I am doing better on concentrating on the future than dwelling on the present.This has helped me alot I still have times when I get down but I just have so much to still be thankful for. Even if I have to wait to enjoy it fully. I hope she is doing well too I worry about how she is holding up. It kills me that she might be somewhere sad and hurting and I am unable to offer comfort to her. I often think what if we never met, and I realize that my life with only thoughts and memories of her is still far better than my life would be without ever knowing her. I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life. Next I pray that he makes this separation go quickly, and I ask him to bless her and bring her comfort.

Even when she is gone she is still my world. She is my best friend and my soul mate. It is almost like God made her just for me. I have faith that everything will work out for the best and in due time. I pray that she remembers that and she realizes everything may not be as it seems. Often the one who appears to be on top is standing on the edge about to fall. Keep your head up. Sending all my love to you.

Well today was my first day back at work which at least kept me busy for the day and kept my mind on other things for at least a few minutes. It is hard though because I used to look forward to getting emails from her at work and she is unable to email anymore. Everything seems so lonely and grey now. I stayed pretty today and now I am home from work with a huge list of things that need to be done and simply no motivation to do them. I have already took a nap and soon I am going to have to find sustinance for the evening and I have no idea what sounds good. Honestly nothing sounds good, I am hungry but don't want to eat anything. I don't feel like cooking for one and certainly don't want to eat out. I want my normal life back this one that it has been replaced with is not any fun.

I guess I need to start looking for a new part time job so I can continue to live in a manner I have become accustomed to or more accurately not have to really budget my money as closely. It will also pass the time quicker and give me less time to sit and think about how miserable I am right now. Well I decided on sushi and some edamame which made me think of better days. I know that our time will come again and you will be back in my arms to stay this time. Think about the story we will have to tell the grandkids one day. I hope that my beloved stays strong doesn't beleive what people try to tell her and understands that things must be this way right now and that I will make all this up to her one day. Just try to keep your eyes on the prize and know that this two or three month investment will pay dividends in the future. I am going to go study a little now so maybe next year will bring good news. I am thinking of you always.

Well today I drove home and thought about everything going on in my life and what I should do about everything.  I think that now I have to look at everything differently. I think I am dwelling on everything I can't do now and everything that I don't have instead of what I do have. I have to remember that my situation is temporary. I have took to many risks in my life lately and I have to stop. 

It is so hard being back home again everything reminds me of her and she is all I think about. I can't even go to Wal-mart without thinking about her not being around anymore.  I always knew that she was awesome and that I was so much happier with her than I would be without her. I guess I didn't realize just how much time was spent either with her or on the phone with her.  I just miss hearing her voice so much and just spending time with her. I look forward to when she gets back and we can start our life together. I guess the hardest part of this is knowing that she is hurting and struggling and I can't do anything to help her. I hope she knows that I am thinking of her constantly counting the days till she comes home. I have really struggled with this whole thing.  It would be simpler if she wasn't so wonderful. It just really stinks to meet someone that is everything I am looking for, get to know her and then be forced to be without that person for who knows how long. I know that I sound like I am whining I am not I am glad that I had the time with her that I have had so far. I am also full of hope for the future. I went and looked at houses today on my way home. Please hurry home so we can get back to living for today and not living for tomorrow.